Fear & Insecurities

In life I have found sometimes it is hard to speak about topics that are so sensitive to my inner soul that it peels back layers. Layers I do not yet want to expose. But peeling back the layers is crucial to my wellbeing as I need a cleansing of the wounds underneath that have festered over time and turning into cancer eating away at my life from the inside out. Traveling into the Caverns tunnels of my mind that lead to pathways in my soul are the only way to go. But I struggle to go there so I stay away. This is my description of my journey their if I dare.

FEAR.

Fear of hurting all over again. The fear of falling into the abise of the dark shadow that hovers ever so low over the pain inside the hole in a cavern. All around the inside of my Soul my innermost being is Caverns unlit holes for which there are tunnels that lead everywhere inside them are lives pain & Joy, experiences of a time gone by. Good and bad. So I will Meditate myself into the journey follow me as I go where I don’t dare.

Traveling in my self Meditation.

The Caverns the tunnels oh so many directions to turn which way do I go first this turn that turn either direction I go is a journey I will find something about myself I may or may not want to know. But forward I must go.  I go first into a tunnel that somehow feels warm and inviting but slightly uneasy the two feelings don’t mix well and confuse me. I proceed with caution. Like a child going along with mom holding tightly to her hand not wanting to ever let go as she makes you feel safe. The warmth becomes comforting more and more and I step out of the tunnel into a Room a huge Room of Flowers Oh it is Poppies Orange and their everywhere all around me even on the Ceiling Bright and bold. And Then just like that, they start to wither into nothing crumbling all around me like burnt ashes as they drift up into nothingness. My Fear is so intense. The warmth turns into a bitter bite of Cold so intense I think it will make my limbs wither and fall off. The intensity is too much to bear. Something is touching me but not touching me a sensation unfamiliar to me but eerily real none the less. I need to get out of here past this area and back to where I feel safe, But somehow I want to know more of what this is the sensation of need is great I stay still for what seems like forever. The nothingness is unbearable Blackness is all around and now I simply feel numb. I can not move or feel anything.

End of Part one. 2-6-19 Elizabeth Harrison.

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